


Blink Back to Let Me Know

by celeste9



Series: A Series of Encounters [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Primeval
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Episode Tag, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:38:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2373128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma goes home. (post AoS 2.1)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blink Back to Let Me Know

**Author's Note:**

> I expect this will be Jossed on Tuesday but I watched the season 2 premiere and was compelled to write this. Contains mention of Lester/Coulson. Title from Panic at the Disco. For 'angst' on my Primeval bingo card.

“I’m not helping him,” Jemma said.

She was standing next to Coulson, the image of Fitz in his lab on the screen in front of them. Fitz was biting his lip as he worked, utterly lost in concentration. The sound was muted but every now and then Jemma could see his lips form in a curse.

Coulson didn’t say anything.

“I just think... I think it will be better if I’m not here. Better for him. He needs to... He needs to let go of me. I’m holding him back.”

Coulson was still silent as they both watched Fitz on the camera feed.

“Are you ever going to say anything?”

“I think you’re going to do whatever you need to do, Agent Simmons, and nothing I say will change what that is.”

Jemma sighed. She should have known better than to expect any sort of confirmation that she was doing the right thing from Coulson. “I’ll say hello to my dad for you,” she said.

-

Jemma went home.

Her father opened the door, still looking surprised to see her even though he had buzzed her in moments earlier. “Jemma,” he said.

“Can I stay here?”

“Of course,” he said immediately, stepping aside to let her come through the door. “You are always welcome here, you know that. I just... I thought... I wasn’t expecting to see you. But I’m glad you’re here. Has Phil-- Agent Coulson--”

“Director Coulson.”

“Yes,” Daddy said, something odd spasming in his face. It was gone before Jemma could comment on it, not that he would have answered her. Not in any meaningful way, at least.

“I would have rung, but I wasn’t sure I was going to make the flight.”

“That’s all right. You never have to explain yourself to me. Come on, you must be hungry. I’m sure the food was rubbish.”

Jemma followed him to the kitchen, finding herself smiling in spite of everything.Daddy had very distinct views on what was palatable eating.

“I made lasagna at the weekend,” he said, pulling a large dish out of the refrigerator. “I’ll warm you up a plate.”

“Yum,” Jemma said.

Daddy sat with her while she ate, sipping a small glass of brandy. They didn’t talk about anything of much consequence. Daddy told her a story about an incursion at the ARC and didn’t ask her anything about S.H.I.E.L.D. Jemma was grateful for it. She didn’t know what she would have said.

Somehow she felt a little better just being there, looking across the table and seeing Daddy there. She wondered if she would ever completely grow out of this feeling, this knowledge that her dad could always make things better, even if it was only through the comfort of his presence.

After they had washed up (or, more accurately, after Jemma had watched her dad wash up), Daddy put his hand on Jemma’s shoulder, peering at her in concern. “You look...”

 _Here it came._ “Tired? It was a long flight.”

“I was going to say sad.”

Jemma couldn’t even look at him, couldn’t bear to see his eyes so filled with worry on her account. She didn’t know what to say; she didn’t want to have to tell him that she’d left, that she’d abandoned her friends, that she had all but given up. Running away, that was what she was doing.

No. She was helping Fitz. She was.

“I’m okay, Daddy.” Jemma forced a smile that she knew he would see right through.

“All right,” he said doubtfully. “If you… If you want to talk, I’ll be here.” He kissed her on the side of her face, at her temple, staying there for a long moment. When he moved to pull away, Jemma grabbed him, wrapping her arms around him and tucking her face into his neck. She breathed in the good, clean smell of his skin, soap and cologne. It reminded her of being a little girl, crawling into his bed when she’d had a nightmare. She remembered the way he would hold her close to himself, making her feel safe, while Mum stroked her hair and told her stories until she fell asleep again.

She wished she could be that little girl again, that she could sleep in her parents’ bed and let her father hold her until everything bad just fell away. That was silly, though, and she knew she had to pretend to be grown up, even if she didn’t feel that way.

“I think I’d better go to bed,” Jemma said, making herself move away. “Is the bed made up?”

“Always,” Daddy said. “It’s always ready, even if you use it once a year.”

Jemma leaned up and kissed his cheek, ignoring the tears that pricked at her eyes. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, Jemma,” he said.

-

Jemma took one day for herself. She felt guilty and selfish for doing so but she told herself that after everything, she deserved one day.

Then she went with her father to the ARC.

To be honest, Jemma didn’t know exactly what she was planning on doing. All she knew was that she needed to do _something,_ and the ARC seemed as good a place as any to do it. They could always use an extra… well, an extra anything.

Daddy’s colleagues were welcoming. They acted like they were happy to see her and happy to know she was safe, but they didn’t push her into talking. Perhaps that was only because of Daddy. He wouldn’t be nice if anyone made his daughter uncomfortable.

Jemma reacquainted herself with Abby, the young woman who ran the menagerie. Abby didn’t have a PhD in anything but she was smart and she told good stories. She let Jemma fiddle with things in her lab, and she let her observe the creatures. Jemma liked the mammoth. She gave it an apple once and Abby laughed.

“You look just like your dad,” she said, and Jemma only smiled quizzically because everyone knew Jemma looked like her mum.

The anomaly alert went off the second day she was there and she ran to the hub to watch. Jemma hadn’t seen this when she’d been here last, she had been too caught up in trying to solve the accidental telepathy problem. Now she watched, and had to admit to a measure of awe at how well they worked together, how smoothly they had the process down.

When the field team had gone off she sat with Jess, a nervous fluttering in her stomach. She hoped everyone would be all right. Jemma wasn’t made for field work and she could never rid herself of the anxiety it brought, even when she was only waiting for the others to return. She wished there was something she could do. She liked it better when it was a mission for S.H.I.E.L.D., when there was inevitably something for her to fix.

Daddy kept popping in and out, checking up on their progress, pretending like he wasn’t concerned, even though clearly Jess wasn’t fooled.

“Is he like that every time?” Jemma asked Jess once, after Daddy had retreated back to his office.

“Every time,” Jess confirmed, though her expression was fond. “It’s worse when the shouts are more dangerous than this one.”

This one went fine, though. A small group of prehistoric horses in the athletic fields behind a school. No one injured. Captain Becker radioed in to tell Jess they were on their way back.

“Well,” Jess said. “That’s that, then. Now tell me, how is Skye? I haven’t heard from her in a while.”

“She’s good. Busy, you know.”

“Of course. Of course she is. Busy doing secret agent things.”

Jemma hid a smile. “Not quite, but yeah, she’s in the field now, and we don’t exactly have a lot of help.”

Jess’ forehead creased as she frowned. “It hasn’t got any better?”

“Coulson’s trying,” Jemma said, struck by a sudden urge to defend him. “It’s difficult.”

“I wasn’t-- I didn’t mean to sound like I was criticizing him. I only… I know you’ve been through a lot,” Jess said, looking as though she wanted to reach out but wasn’t sure if she should. “I was only hoping that things were improving for you. For all of you.”

“They are, a bit,” Jemma said. “Slowly.”

For everyone but Fitz.

-

The Skype call from Skye came about a week into Jemma’s stay, after it had turned dark but early enough that Skye must have been trying to be careful of the time difference. Jemma was a bit touched but she was so happy to hear from Skye that she wouldn’t have cared if the call came in the middle of the night.

“Your hair is adorable,” Jemma said as soon as she saw Skye’s face on the screen of her laptop.

“Yeah?” Skye’s expression held a touch of nervousness before her familiar confident grin took hold. “Well, duh.”

Jemma made a show of rolling her eyes theatrically. “I’m glad my opinion means so much to you.”

“You know I value your taste more than anyone else on the team. Though I admit that’s not saying much.”

“How is Fitz?” Jemma asked, almost blurting it out because she couldn’t wait any longer before knowing.

Skye’s expression shuttered somewhat. “He’s… He’s been better.”

“Worse than when I left?” Jemma said, feeling appalled. He couldn’t be worse. He couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. She had left to help him and he was getting better, he was.

Skye’s hesitance said more than her words ever could. “He still talks to you, like you never even left. Like he’s schizophrenic or something. I know you think you’re helping, but this... I think Fitz needs you.”

“I... I can’t,” Jemma said, hating the way her voice broke.

“Jemma--”

Jemma pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” She couldn’t bear to see him like that, like he was broken, and knowing it was because of her, because of what he’d done for her, because he… because he…

“Give him a chance,” she said, fighting for control of her emotions. “Give him some time, that’s all. He’s going to get better.”

“Right,” Skye said, and Jemma ignored the heavy current of skepticism in her voice.

Jemma could believe enough for all of them. “How are you?” she asked, changing the subject. “How is everyone?”

Skye went with it, her tone brightening. Jemma didn’t know if it was forced but she decided it didn’t matter either way. “Oh, you know, same old, same old. Trip is heartbroken you’re gone, he asks me every day when you’re coming back.”

“Stop it,” Jemma said, blushing.

That was at least enough to ensure that Skye’s amusement was real. “Triplett and Simmons sitting in a tree--”

“Oh my God, are you five?”

“Sometimes.”

Jemma laughed a little, and maybe for a second she could put Fitz from her mind. “Coulson?”

Skye shrugged. “You know. He’s Director Coulson now. You saw how it was. It’s… It’s not the same. He’s not the same. Even May hardly sees him anymore.”

“You miss him.”

“Yeah, I guess. Is that weird?”

“No. It isn’t weird at all.” Skye had never really had a father. Coulson was probably the nearest she had ever come. Jemma knew how it felt to want nothing more than to be with your dad.

Skye’s lips quirked slyly. “Maybe your dad could use a vacation, come to visit his bf, get him to unwind.”

“Clearly you weren’t paying attention when you met him if you think my dad is in the habit of taking sudden holidays.”

“Yeah, he did have that workaholic vibe to him. But doesn’t he worry? I mean, they’re a thing, right?”

 _A thing._ That was one way to put it. “They care about each other, yes, but I don’t think they were ever unaware of the limitations of the sort of relationship they’re capable of having.”

“And I guess they screwed each other before Coulson got made director. That probably shook things up a bit.”

“Perhaps a bit,” Jemma said, trying to ignore the rather appalling image Skye had conjured up.

“Well, hey, maybe Coulson could find an excuse to visit merry old England. He could pretend to try to steal Captain Becker for S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“That would go over so well.”

“I did say pretend.” Skye’s expression became thoughtful. “Though that’s actually a fantastic idea, can we have Becker? He’d make amazing eye candy.”

“You’ve got Trip for that now,” Jemma said, and didn’t say Ward. She didn’t even think it.

“Can never have too much eye candy. And I’m totally telling Trip you called him eye candy.”

“Then I won’t tell you what Jess said about you.”

At that, Skye perked up almost like a dog hearing its name. “Jess? Aw, how is Jess? I miss her.”

“She asked about you, wanted to make sure you were okay since you hadn’t contacted her in so long.”

“I should do that more. It’s just that… With everything…”

“I know,” Jemma said. It wasn’t even only that they were stretched too thin, with too much to do in too little time with not enough staff, it was that… How could you ever expect anyone on the outside to understand what it had been like?

“Well, next time I have a vacation-- Does S.H.I.E.L.D. give vacations?”

“Not really.”

“Oh. Well, anyway, next time I have a chance I’m going to London. Jess and I have things to do.”

“The world to conquer?”

“Exactly,” Skye said, and her cheerfully mischievous expression did nothing to lessen Jemma’s suspicions that Skye and Jess really could take over the world if they wanted to.

“I should go,” she said, glancing at the time.

“Yeah, okay. It was… It was good to see your face,” Skye said. “Will you… Come back when you’re ready to, okay? Promise me.”

“I promise,” Jemma said, and hoped it was a promise she could keep. She shut her laptop and unfolded her legs, getting off the bed. She padded over to the kitchen, thinking to make herself some tea and steal some of Daddy’s chocolate digestives.

Daddy was in the kitchen already, though, filling a kettle of water. “Would you like some tea?”

“You read my mind.”

“Was that Skye you were talking to? I thought I heard her voice.”

“Yes. Just checking up, you know.”

Daddy hesitated. “Did she… How is Fitz? I wasn’t going to ask but I was worried, you’ve never gone so long without mentioning him. Is he okay? Has something happened?”

Jemma burst into tears.

She hadn’t meant to, she really hadn’t, but she had been one wrong word away from breaking down since Skye had first said, _He’s been better,_ and now her dad, with his cautious concern and his bloody tea and she just… She just couldn’t take it.

“Jemma, darling,” Daddy said, his face setting in alarm, and took a few steps forward to scoop her into his arms.

“I left him,” she gasped out into Daddy’s shirt. “I left him and he needed me.”

Daddy rubbed her back and spoke to her, his voice falling into an easy, soothing rhythm. She didn’t even know what he was saying but it didn’t matter, it only mattered that he was there.

After a while she calmed down, easing the grip she had on Daddy’s back, but she still remained there, letting him hold her.

“It’s all right,” he said. “It’s all right.”

“But it isn’t,” Jemma said, sniffling. “I left him, and it was because I thought it would help, but it was for me, too. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, and I hated feeling so _useless._ I hated seeing him like that, seeing him struggle with things that were always part of him. I… I ran away. You must be so ashamed of me.”

“No,” Daddy said, pulling back so Jemma was forced to look at his face. “No, Jemma. I am _always_ proud of you. No matter what.”

Jemma felt a couple more tears leak out of her eyes and she rubbed them away. “It was my fault, what happened to him. He’s like this because of me, because he did it for me. He wanted me to live.”

“Because he was brave, and he cared about you. It isn’t your fault. What happened to Fitz, that’s on Hydra, and bloody Agent Ward. I should have... I should have known he was a lying piece of dirt.”

“You only knew him for a few days.”

Daddy’s lips were pressed tightly together, making a thin line. “Yes, but I should have recognized the signs. I have experience in falsehood and betrayal, after all.”

“But I knew him for months. Months and I had no idea, I thought he was my friend. I thought he was my friend, and he...” _He pushed us out of a plane. He did this to Fitz, he did it._ “You can’t blame yourself, Daddy. You couldn’t have known.”

“Can you hear yourself, Jemma? Perhaps you should take your own advice.”

Jemma bit her lip.

Daddy held Jemma’s shoulders, his thumbs rubbing in small circles. “What happened to Fitz is done, it can’t be changed. Blame the people responsible but not yourself. Never you.”

 _No,_ Jemma thought. Daddy was right. What happened to Fitz was done.

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t fix it.

-

They gave her her own lab in the ARC and Daddy told her she could ask for anything she needed. Supplies, assistants, anything, and he promised he would get it for her. Jemma had learned a long time ago that her dad could find a way to deliver on promises she would have thought he had no way of keeping.

She felt better, focused, intent. She could do this. It was a puzzle that needed solving, a problem in need of a solution. Jemma was good at the impossible. It was why Coulson had wanted her in the first place, her and Fitz. Together, they were unstoppable. Now Fitz just needed a bit of help.

Two days passed and Jemma hardly had a place to start, let alone a solution. It was difficult not to be frustrated, even though logically she knew that two days was nothing.

Two days was everything when it meant two more days without Fitz.

In the evening Daddy came to her bedroom door. He was holding a small box. “I found this in the hall closet; I think it must be yours.” He perched on the corner of her bed and handed her the box.

Jemma set it in her lap and lifted the lid. It was filled with papers, mostly, and some photos. Glowing letters from professors, test results, letters from her parents when she’d been away at school, a small stack of printed emails.

Beneath a folded paper with her dad’s handwriting on it was a photo of her and Fitz. They were beaming at the camera, arms around each other, standing in front of the SH.I.E.L.D. training academy. She remembered when it had been taken, the day they had first arrived. She remembered how happy she’d been, how excited.

She could feel Daddy watching her. She touched her fingertips lightly to the glossy image of Fitz’s face.

“Thank you,” she said.

-

Jemma pinned the photograph in her lab so she could see it when she was working, to remind herself of what she was fighting to save. Fitz was her best friend, and he had sacrificed himself so that she could live.

Jemma was a bloody genius. She was going to save Fitz.

**_End_ **


End file.
